You know, it's just not normal to just enter a period of soothing suddenly. But that is what I am. Strange. Quirky. Different. I wonder how long I'd stay and live in this world...I don't really know. You could actually call this my 'pondering on life' phase. It's the first time I've thought of the limits my capabilities would carry, how long i'll breathe until i finally stop, how long i can see until i become blind...Maybe discovering you have a congenital sickness does that to you.
During my last checkup, Dr. Ong told us there was a big chance I had glaucoma.
It made half of the foundation of my structured and peaceful life fall like a skyscraper, with only debris to remember the memory. My world just literally came crashing down at me, and that was the first time it ever happened. It pained me, and for a few hours I kept asking myself...
Is this real?
It was unfair. It was wholly unfair. Or so, I told myself. Who was He to make me vulnerable like this, when I've finally gained inner confidence? Who was He to take all the possibilities that awaited me away? I was infuriated. But then, I remembered.
The infallibility that was always there was gone. I was always that: untouchable. I was always all-seeing, omniscient. But it was always lonely, tiring...to know things others did not, to understand what others cannot. It was pointless to live without no one there. But then a pin dropped and popped my bubble.
I was not infallible. I could really get sick. I could have gone blind. I was not above other people. Others would have been angry if they discovered that. Not me.
I wasn't infallible, therefore I am not alone. I am human. I am just like everyone in the world. Knowing that, I CAN be happy. I can now work for a goal knowing that I do this with everyone else who are as weak as me.
