Saturday, November 10, 2007
It's out now. It's out. OS AKO.
I feel so happy right now. So immeasurably happy. Perhaps it's the fact that I've reclaimed a part of myself back that was lost and left me wounded. Maybe it's the shock of knowing that the worry I felt for countless weeks were ill- conceived. Or maybe, it's the fact that after the pain, the shock, the hopelessness, the blood, the sweat, and the tears, everything became worth it. I thought this day was one of the most horrible ones I've had; it turned out to become the best one I've had in my life. I feel like I'm on top of the world. God, the tears won't stop.
I've been crying the whole day. My dad and I got to a fight and I locked myself in the room. I felt so hopeless. I even wanted to cut myself to numb the pain. I was about to give up. Even my mom and uncle talked to me. It hurt that my father doesn't even trust me enough, and I thought that with my upcoming grades that I thought were dismal, all hope was lost. And then, I knew it. OS AKO.
In a single moment, everything turned good. I even choked in front of the monitor when I saw it. My voice was hoarse. I felt SO HAPPY. Tears came running down. All the worry, all the pain, all the sleepless nights crying, all the hopelessness...it never prepared me for this. I never felt so happy in my entire life. I even ran out of the room and hugged an awe-struck dad, crying. The retreat made me content, but this made me euphoric. It couldn't even compare to this. I'm like a dying child who got better just like that, and just discovered it in time. I fell,and I rose again. In the end, I could never have become this happy and change so much, I would never have gotten what I really needed to live, if the pain didn't come. God, thank you for the pain, for the hopelessness, for the joy, FOR EVERYTHING. . THANK YOU SO MUCH.
And Paula, thanks. THANKYOU. Haha.
