Monday, December 24, 2007
It is at times like these when I begin to ponder on my quest in life.
I can feel the pressure. I'm a junior after all; In less than four months, I'm already supposed to know what I want to take up. And I really have no idea; how am I supposed to know? I don't want to follow a direction right now. I just want to enjoy life as much as I could. But still, I'll be forced to decide, if only to continue on thriving. Right?
My parents want me to take up a medical course, so I could be a doctor and follow in their footsteps. I don't want to. I've always been to averse to any kind of science subject. I've already forgotten why. Was it a bad experience with a teacher, a horrible test, or my unwitting plan to spite my parents? I always struggle with the Science subjects. I've always told my parents that I really didn't like medicine. It's not true, actually. I'm very neutral with the subject. I'm just afraid of becoming their second chance, and end up really following in their footsteps. I'm fiercely independent; I don't know that. I hate being in the shadow of others; it completely demeans my self-worth and security all in one hit. Same goes for my sister.
My uncles suggest accounting, so I can be in the same field as them and if I should so want, I can become a corporate lawyer. Big business, they call it. I rather like the idea, but I'm afraid of the pressure that will come. My uncles and grandparents have big names in the banks, and it's sorely tempting to be like them. But I've read all the newspapers, seen through the family feuds ( which we funnily are almost never involved with), and seen the rise and bankruptcy of banks like they were flies in the wind. They lead very pressured lives, my first uncle especially. Sure, they're filthy rich, but he's part of the tier of people who usually go on suicide because of the pressures of their job, life, and work. I've always been a carefree person, and I hate having to worry about ANYTHING. I want a simple life. Simply put, I can get all the money and influence I want, but there's no guarantee I'll ever be happy.
I want to be a corporate lawyer for the money, just like my only aunt. She's living in the states happily with her family; she's supposed to be a department head or something. But I really don't have a lot of interest in the subject. Memorizing laws just doesn't appeal to me.
Lastly, I want to be a journalist. I kinda like the idea of writing for a living, and having an easy life. But unless you're good, the job doesn't have any fulfilling pay. And I severely doubt my talents as a writer.
I don't really know what to take. I'll be forced to make a choice, eventually. But I don't want to; at least, not right now.
