There's something horribly wrong with me. This year has been a blessing and a curse. And with me facing the last three days of school, I'm secretly wishing it would never end.
I should be happy right? I got out of my shell. I speak my mind. I'm not that little, pitiful, shy girl anymore. I thought that was my goal. I achieved it, with so much more. But still...
I feel like I'm being led away from the things I really want.
My grades are crap. No, they really are. This isn't some humble stint I just felt doing. All my confidence in that area are gone. I feel soo stupid. I just don't think I can get into college, or pass my entrance exams. I feel like if I ever won something again, it would be just pure nerve and luck.
Last year I felt little of me mattered. This year I remedied that. Now I know I matter, at least to the people I really care about. But in doing so I feel like crap. I'm losing the ones whose opinion of me really matters, the ones I want to get close to. I keep showing a facade that's smart, confident, and driven, but that's all for show. You people overestimate too much, and I feel horrible for lying to you.
I wish I could get outstanding student. Now I doubt if I'll ever be one again.
Junior year, you have been good to me. Junior teachers, you have made me cry and laugh so hard so many times I can't even count. Yo have made me do outrageous requirements, submit crappy projects, stare wildly into test papers, and randomly laugh at the middle of your lessons. I love you all for that, no matter how crappy or weird you are. Junior people, you've made me feel safe for the fact that I'm not the only one who's suffering from a plethora of social conflict and outrageous schoolwork . And iii1, I effing love you. See you next year. :P
