Living the Moment :)

Goodbye?

2009-06-20T23:03:00.002+08:00

I'm moving to Tumblr. OKAY JOKE LANG. I don't want to leave this account. :P

But based on the way college is going, random moments will be what's best.

80% of life is going to be math anyway. Who wants to hear about that?

ENTER if you will. :)

'Til Death Do Us Part?

2009-06-16T22:43:00.001+08:00

I am studying for Ma18. Believe it.

I will fly to MathVille now. No, seriously.

State of Mind

2009-06-14T17:38:00.002+08:00

And if I was a normal schoolgirl, I'd worry more about my first day of school than this.

But fate has other plans.

My first class is tomorrow at 10:30. But I'm going to meet up with Kris at Xavier Hall by 9:30. Thank god for a friend. :) I need to get away from this, in whatever way possible. I don't even care if I'm going to commute tomorrow and get lost while I'm at it.

And as it is, it will only be but a state of mind. And everything else will just be a mirage.

Trinoma and High School, Again. :)

2009-06-10T22:14:00.002+08:00

Went to STC today with Belle, Pia, and Jode. Met up with Ms. Gino and saw Ms. Villavert and other teachers, yeah. :P

Trinoma. Didn't get to watch Blood because of the brownouts, haha. Just played Timezone for 2 hours and ate to the brim. Played Sims and PS2 in Belle's house, including dinner. Snagged a ride with Pia.

I just realized something. My ES is actually 1 hour and 30 minutes! So I have no break between my PE and ES, and I'll have to change, then run from SEC A to the Courts. But hey, magkatapat lang sila. :) And I was starting to think that my schedule looked way too good. No schedule's perfect, after all. :P

Schedule, Finally.

2009-06-08T11:20:00.005+08:00

So look at the sched. It's not too bad. Thank You, God. :) You gave me ES, even if it's in the morning. And all the available Natsci classes were in the morning anyways. And there wasn't any Tai Chi class that matched my schedule at all, so fine, I'll go for basketball. Half-days on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I love Monday, swear.

Because Randomness and Emo-ness Can Merge.

2009-06-07T21:39:00.002+08:00

I have a Tumblr account already. But I am SO not going to abandon blogger. I don't think Tumblr's enough, I tell you.

They will have to coexist.

Tomorrow's online enlistment. Tonight, I pray to God that I may have the chance to get a bearable Natsci. and a decent PE. I'll try to get Env. Sci. if there are still slots. If I don't get that, I'll go for Zoology. I am so not going to take up Chem or Physics. PE...It'll be Taebo, Basketball, or Fitness Walking. WALKING!!! HAHA. Though I'll probably choose that during second year, so there will be less stress. God help me.

Block T gets 7:30 classes, he told me. OMG NOOOO. Ayoko.

Ohana MEAns family. :D

2009-06-06T07:27:00.003+08:00

MEA Prepcourse is over, but everything's only just beginning. I was actually planning to write a post last night, but I was too tired from the Amazing Race and fell asleep after a bath. Haha.

Thanks to Calvin, Quintin, Krichelle and the others. I can never get over the cross-dressing, burlesque, bromance thing my groupmates have. They even won an award!! XD And Bernice and Quintin won the HSM Award for their, erm, dancing in the Traveling Salesman part. And CONGRATS, guys. :P The late-night planning (even if I was only there for one day) paid off. I still don't know how we won the Overall Group Winner for the prepcourse, but the pizza was good, so I can't complain. HAHA. Too bad we aren't blockmates. :P

Driving to School, Anyone?

2009-06-02T19:05:00.004+08:00

Today was the last day of driving classes, and it's finally over! :D I can finally focus on school now. There's the MEA Prepcourse tomorrow, so I've got to get ready.

And yeah, my dad's letting me drive to school if I want to. But I'm going to pass up on that. I don't think I can handle my course AND driving to and fro school in the morning and afternoon. I've been traumatized enough, and I haven't got the hang of it yet. Then I'd be groggy, and sleepy, and distracted, and...well you get the point.

But to celebrate, let me tell you a story about my driving encounter with my former high school advanced algebra teacher yesterday at precisely 10: 20 in the morning, at E. Rodriguez.

P: (driving, rattled sa traffic)
Instructor: blablabla
P: (spotted mrs. blanco sa pedestrian lane, tinuro) OMG! Algebra teacher ko yan oh!!
Instructor: ano? DON'T GET YOUR HANDS OF THE STEERING WHEEL!! (emergency brake)
P: Oops, HAHA. :pp Sorry po.
Instructor: Nakita mo lang ung algebra teacher mo nakalimutan mo na magdrive!
P: XD

HAHAHA. At least I have a milestone in my driving experiences. And I miss her, actually. :) I didn't just count on seeing her as a pedestrian while I was behind the wheel, or at least for my college years. But it was nice seeing you to, ms. :P I only hope you knew of the encounter, but hopefully you won't think I was trying to crash into you. I love you too much for that. :)

Yes, I know what you're thinking. XD I really shouldn't drive yet, if my only driving milestone is almost crashing into my algebra teacher. I promise I'll get more practice. :)

Take Charge, Woman!

2009-06-01T20:46:00.001+08:00

Because a girl shouldn't stay in Limbo for long. :)

And life's so much better without giving up.

End of the Street and Onto the Highway.

2009-05-31T21:21:00.002+08:00

4 more hours and 2 more days of driving and it'll be over. The driving, I mean.

Narry a day later, the whole gig I signed up for begins. MEA Prepcourse, anyone?

I seriously hope those business 'games' they were mentioning wouldn't kill me before the schoolyear begins.

I'm still planning the STC Orsem I have with Jodine and Tina. XD University and Food Hopping, here we come. :P

Block T

2009-05-29T12:32:00.003+08:00

Block T here. :P

On a side note, I'm not classmates with any Theresians. :P Pat and Abbey Manliclic is in T5, I think. I'm not sure with Pamie. There was one section that's blurred, so maybe that's her. I'm not sure if it's T4 or what.

OMG CHINESE POWER. And I can't check the male-female ratio because there were pretty confusing names there. :P We're 29.

Help!! The Pre-School OverRush

2009-05-28T15:37:00.003+08:00

Okay. You're going to laugh at me after I say this. Kahit ako natawa eh. (Or bako ako lng nakagets? XD)

Nalulustay na ako dito sa Shangri-la.

Okay, medyo ang corny nun.

But c'mon. I'm dying here. Yeah, it's airconditioned. I get to stuff my face with Fiorgelato, yoghurt, steak, and frappes of every size, brand, and color. BUT I'M GAINING POUNDS AND I'M LOSING PRECIOUS SLEEP. Since I wasn't at home yesterday I didn't get to check my email. It turns out that I missed the deadline of the regform for the mea prepcourse! The people were nice enough to accept it even though it's late,but hello that was such a bad impression. I may be overreacting, but I didn't plan on starting my me life with a late submission.

And I wouldn't be allowed to go to Fun Ranch with Pia and the guys on Friday, much less the sleepover. I'm forced to go to my dad's convention, then take a cab from mandaluyong to SM North just in time for a stupid frigging 4 hour driving lecture that'll last til 7. The next day I still have a driving lesson from 10-12. Monday and Tuesday will have the same timeslot for my driving lesson. And before I know it, it'll be the MEA Prepcourse and exhausted little me at Escaler Hall with huge eyebags. GOOD LUCK LORD.

And ORSEM got cancelled for the first time in Ateneo history. That SERIOUSLY sucks.

2009-05-27T18:53:00.003+08:00

Tons happened this week. :D

I got to go at Tierra Pura again last Monday and I FINALLY GOT TO SEE TIN!!! Tumawag pa ko through CP sa bahay niya para makausap siya. :P Kasi naman, desperado na eh HAHA. Tapos di ko rin alam kung panu pumunta ng bahay niya mula court. Ang laki ksi ng village eh. Tapos ayun, madilim na tapos lakad lng kami ng lakad paikot ng village while talking about our summers and her school. :) Or at least until natakot kmi sa dilim at sa tahol ng aso at nagstay na lang sa my court. I missed her and it was so relieving to talk to her after all this time. Tumatawa pa ko dahil dun sa kay Pauiie. OMG PAUIIE MAG-INGAT AHHHH. :))) Hope to see ALL OF YOU soon.

I really need a haircut and go to the dentist and stuff. I look like a hairy gorilla. :P

2009-05-22T11:15:00.004+08:00

So, my sister broke my glasses and I'm stuck at home for the weekend. Or at least until I get a decent replacement. I'm stuck wearing the pair I used when I was in second year. Yes, second year. :P They are these horribly ugly oval glasses which I can't help but cringe at when I look at the mirror. But they're adorable, honestly.

And as to why I don't have a spare, I lost my last pair in one of the lakes we spent our junior outbound on. The one with the rope and the boat? It brings a lot of memories to light.

And wearing these dingy old glasses remind me of who I was when I was a sophomore. Memory lane, I guess. Maybe I am moving too fast into college, and I need to go a notch slower. It's good to change, but forgetting isn't always a good thing. The last thing I need is to be cocky and become an entirely different person. I still want people to recognize me by college.

But hopefully my glasses arrive before my next driving lesson. I have caused too much traffic with them already. I shudder to think on what will happen to my poor instructor if I am made to drive without them. Or at least just in time for the MEA Prepcourse, which will entail lots of running. Madadapa ako. HAHA.

2009-05-16T21:58:00.000+08:00

I DO NOT want a crashed car on my conscience.

I DO NOT want to be traumatized for the rest of my driving life.

Here's to tomorrow and not crashing a car.

2009-05-12T18:24:00.002+08:00

So begins the prelude to driving classes! We just went to A1 Tomas Morato branch and enrolled. :P I'll be having at least 10 hours of driving lessons. Tomorrow the instructor's going to guide me through the steps of getting a student permit in LTO, then I'll attend the lecture and orientation on Thursday and Friday. And then my first driving lesson is on Sunday!

Okay, I'm probably getting too excited here. I'm also reluctant, though, since I am a very jumpy person so it'll be easy for me to crash a car when I panic. :) Thank god for insurance.

On a lighter note, we went to Xavier today for my brother's game. Since we had extra time, we toured the place and I was surprised. :) I always thought the school was unfamiliar territory, but I recognized about 4 different gyms there. Those were actually the places where we took the Taekwondo exams and basketball tournaments of the past. And the houses really were pretty. I envy my cousins for having an awesome school, though I haven't seen ICA yet. I still love STC a lot, though. :P

But now, driving lessons! My schedule is too full already, seriously. It's as if I'm readying myself for the schoolyear ahead. :)

2009-05-11T18:14:00.003+08:00

I was in the middle of a race in Pet Society when my sister called me downstairs since I got a call. :) It was a guy from MEA, I think, named Jomm. There was supposedly an orientation for ME freshmen on June 3-5, and they'll mail me with the details later. I REALLY REALLY want to go. I'm nervous and everything, but I'm really excited. :) I want to know more.

On the other hand, my dad's confiscated my iPod and is giving me the silent treatment. Suits me. :P At least I don't have to do chores. I still have the pc, anyway.

I think I have some motivation to study now.

2009-05-08T23:25:00.002+08:00

So, what's up with finally submitting those stupid med reports? Awesome, that's what. Now I've gotten those over with, I can move on to driving school and (hopefully) trigo review. Hopefully.

While looking for the socsci building, we kept asking people for directions. I guess it was normal to expect that all of them will speak to you in straight, natural english. It's just I'm not really used to it, and I probably have to get used to it soon. Don't get me wrong though. I don't believe that all Ateneans are conyo or anything, but it will probably be part of the norm sometime or the other. Even so, I'll miss the STC days that were so natural for me. Major adjustment, I guess.

And I know that having a core curriculum will make me well-rounded and keep my options open after college, but wth. I dread having to go through Filipino and Science again. But hey, every obstacle is an opportunity. A second chance, maybe? I'm trying to be open-minded, promise.

Food prices are high, but I'm sure I'll figure out something. I'll eat at Manang's. :) Or migrate to UP and eat with Paula. Or the grade school canteen? HAHA. I'll probably embarrass my brother.

Transportation's probably going to be a taxi ride to and fro school, everyday. Alam ko, maarte ako. Tapos mahal. But I think the extra cash is well-worth the saved energy and time I'll get if I get a taxi ride, which is about ten minutes away from the house when there's no traffic. If you compare it to 30 minutes of deviating jeep routes and tons of walking without traffic (and the route I'm going to use always has heavy traffic!), that's about 40 minutes saved everyday. I really don't want to be frazzled every morning and tired during the afternoon, when I'll probably have minimal hours of sleep and tons of schoolwork to do before bedtime. My parents agree. I'm still going to learn to commute, though. I'm still considering commuting after school, since getting a taxi in Ateneo during a regular schoolday within the rush hour is hard.

Okay, I'm getting way ahead of myself. :P EXCITED NAKO, PERO NAKAKATAKOT RIN. I'm still pining for fixing my schedule, even if it's still on June. And I want to go to ORSEM!!

My bed is calling me. :)

2009-05-07T20:30:00.002+08:00

It's at times like these when I hate incompetence with a passion. Is it too much to ask you to at least remember how to right a wrong you made? Is it too much for you to take responsibility, at least? But no, you blame it all on me. I hate your holier-than-thou attitude. If only...

I feel like my blood is boiling right now. Seriously, it's been so long since I've been this mad. Sorry if I'm taking this out on you, blog. I really just need an outlet.

Crazy. EVERYTHING'S CRAZY. Tomorrow's going to be a very hard day, because of your stupidity. I have you to thank for that.

2009-05-04T07:31:00.002+08:00

Everything's a whirlwind right now.

Everything's in a flurry of actions and colors, and I find my spare time dripping away. I still have so much to do with so little time. But pressure can become an advantage, probably. :) At least that way I wouldn't be too shocked come freshman year in college.

Haay. :P No time to rest.

2009-05-01T23:37:00.002+08:00

And we're halfway through with the 4-day mall weekend.

Got lost in Eastwood yesterday. :P Watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine with family. Pretty good action movie, though. :)

Today we went to Megamall to scour through sales. :P The crowd was just awfully thick. Bought denims from Lee and Memo, along with new red flats. I'm still trying to convince my dad to buy the white and purple Nike Air pair. I wish he'd give in already.

I feel somewhat guilty, though. I've been spending too much and I'm not giving anything in return to them. Heck, my 'advanced studying' in precalculus and calculus is in a permanent stop right now. Even though I hate their constant nagging, I am grateful. And I don't want to disappoint them.

Resolution: STUDY. And hopefully something will sink in.

2009-04-28T19:23:00.002+08:00

Just got back from QC Sports Center while bonding with Pia and Tina. Basketball, and lots of soymilk. Haha. :)) Fun fun fun!!

I'll get back to my manga and fics now. :p

2009-04-26T23:27:00.002+08:00

After 5 exhausting days of completely haywire Baguio/Sagada trips of epic proportions, I think I'm ready to sleep tight tonight. Well, after finally getting a dose of internet, fanfiction, and mangas though. Turns out an iPod isn't enough. :))

Medical forms are almost finished. :) I just need to get a 1 by 1 picture and my family history, plus some photocopies of my baby book, then it'll be done. I'm still worried though. My summer is as jam-packed as ever. There's still driving lessons, picking up my brother two times a week in Ateneo (varsity practices), then there's still studying for Ma18. I'm not taking the CEP anymore though. I've decided it'll be better if I get a solid foundation for Calculus. God knows I'll need it. :)

We're watching videos of the trip right now, so I'll cut this short. :)) Bye!

2009-04-21T15:12:00.003+08:00

Will be going to Baguio and Sagada tomorrow. :P Can't say I'm looking forward to it, though. I can just imagine the effort and mosquito bites it'll take me to get home. So I'll be depending on my iPod 'til then. :))

2009-04-18T23:30:00.002+08:00

Mr. Igor Stravinsky is here!!!

MYGOD. I can't even believe it. FINALLY. :) Call me shallow, but it's what I've been dreaming off for four effing years. And before you think I'm rambling about a scientist/writer, Mr. Stravinsky is my purple iPod. :) My parents finally caved in.

I originally thought of posting the pictures, but HECK, I couldn't resist opening it!! Downloaded iTunes, synced the iPod to the PC, and put lyrics and artwork on each song. :)) I'm reading the manual for the 5th time now. :))

NO SLEEPING TONIGHT. :) Time to enjoy Mr. Stravinsky's company for the first time.

2009-04-17T11:13:00.002+08:00

Blog-hopping.

I just saw the link to the Ma18 website. Guess what.

I think I should take the Ma18 CEP now.

I do want to survive first year....YES, I DO.

It's high time I convince my parents. SWEAR.

2009-04-16T18:55:00.003+08:00

Come on, work.

Ay wait. Gumagana na pala. HAHA. :)))))

Went to Mom's clinic today. :) Ngayon ko lang narealize ang kahalagahan ng doktor na nanay. XD She just pulled Tita Treyn from next door to complete the Physical Exam paper for college. Ang funny niya. HAHA. Bawat sakit ata dun may kwento siya. :)) And she kept telling me about her son, Kuya Paul, na magiging fourth year ME na rin. Join daw ako ng MEA. Binigay pa sa kin cel number ng anak niya. XD Poor son. HAHA.

And then I kept laughing at the indian food we bought from the hospital's canteen. The conversation went like this:

Me: Ms., ano po iyan?
Babae: Indian food po iyan.
Me: Ano pong pangalan?
Babae: Indian Food ho.
Me: Pahingi po!! :)
Babae: Pang indian lang po yan mam.
Mom: Cge, ayan na lang po.
Babae: Ma'am, di po kayo indian.
Me: XDDDDDD

HAHA. Anyway, also got the X-ray. Too bad the results aren't until tomorrow. I'll probably grab it tomorrow, and finish my annual eye refraction, then ask Tita to complete the PE. Off to Ateneo on Monday to submit the results and accompany my brother on his varsity training. :)

And yeah, may assurance na ko na bibilhan ako ng laptop. :) Okay, my parents totally shot me down with the CEP thing. So no CEP for me. :(

2009-04-08T10:24:00.003+08:00

Summer has been a blast. :)

Okay, I originally thought I'd be bored out of my mind for weeks, and forced to go on trips the rest of the time. So far, I've been having fun!

March 26-Trinoma trip with Pia, Jode, Belle, and Krizia. Timezone, dude. :P Dinner @ Friday's.

March 28-Party at home. Got cold hard cash! HAHA.

March 29-Ortigas mall hoppingl.Bought a yellow kaftan and dark blue shirt dress from Bayo for beach hopping.

March 30-Dad finally bought the PS3 and 3 new games!! I'm getting fatter and fatter now. :P Also submitted my deferment for UP.

March 31-Got authentication from STC. Didn't get to confirm in Ateneo. :( Annual Closet Cleaning day. :P

April 1-Finally confirmed in Ateneo with Mom! We dropped off my brother for his varsity training in the GS Covered Courts.

April 2-Brother's getting of cards @ Ateneo again. Watched his training and took his card. :) Ang bait ng teacher niya. Kulang na lang magpari. HAHA.

April 3- Swimming @ Club Manila East. Stayed at the shaded pool with Kuya and Johnlou. Didn't get burnt!!! :D

April 4-PS3 Marathon!! Started emptying all my bags! :) You'd be shocked to find all the cash I found there. :P

April 5-Bonding with Pia in the Karl toot bazaar at Rockwell!! :D Bought new clamdiggers, a vest, a harajuku charm, and a striped blouse. :P Ate at Gourdo's and ice cream from Hard Rock with her parents. :)

April 6-Ortigas Mall Hopping again with Dad and Sis. Bought Metal Gear Solid 4. Found the perfect bag from MFC. :) Still shoe-scouting for college though.

April 7-Lazy day. Watched X-Men: Wolverine and played Mortal Kombat vs. DC in the PS3

April 8-Lazy day again. :) Playing Pet Society in Facebook and reading fics and manga.

So what's going to happen tomorrow? We'll probably go to Antipolo for some swimming again and stay overnight. Hopefully. :) I'm still worried, though. I have yet to clean the bookshelves again. I swear the sheer number of books we have keep increasing by the day. Sooner or later I'll have to claw my way out of our room. :P Hopefully I can still squeeze in Spanish and driving lessons in my schedule, plus reviewing Precalculus and studying Calculus by May.

Heaven forbid. :) I WANT TO GET THINNER. But there's too much food during summer.

I miss high school. I miss fourwan. I miss my friends. But I have to think of now, otherwise I'll miss my summer when I reach college.

I'm still waiting for my Nike Zoom. And my white laptop. And hopefully and iPod. :) If I get those, my summer will be PERFECT.

Sooner or later I'm going to break my parents' bank account for being too damn materialistic. But hey, you're only young once. :P

2009-03-31T17:17:00.003+08:00

I'm off to confirm my slot in Ateneo. Yesterday, I deferred my slot in UP.

This is what I wanted. This is what I want.

No regrets anymore. No excuses. Because even if I feel somewhat guilty in not following other people's advice, that is in part a weakness. I have to stop trying to other people and go for what I want for once. That way I'll stop hating it.

No regrets.

2009-03-26T07:10:00.003+08:00

I am a graduate of STC QC, and a member of Batch 2009.

It feels so bittersweet to say that.

It really is sweet. All the pains each one of us took paid off. A few years later we could say that in high school, we weren't useless, that we had a goal and accomplished it despite all the hardship. That we graduated with few regrets, because we did what we had to do.

But it's bitter. Because slowly but surely the memories will fade, only to be left with an old photograph. But the feeling in my heart will always be still there. And even now, I still have distinct memories. Me standing in front of the GS office for my very first day of school in STC. Meeting Patricia. Ms. Umali. Discovering that I could write. Graduating GS. Excelling. Finding limits. Making huge mistakes. Making up for them. Friendship. Learning. Stress. Tears.

This summer, I'm going to spend tons of time with my high school friends. Because I want to prove that friendship can last if you really want it to, that no hourglass can say that bonds fade with time. I'll just have to reinforce it to exhaustion.

And come college, I have a name to stand up for. The name of Theresians. The name of my batch. And the name of a girl who was once a high school student, who went through 10 years of memories, who cried and laughed wholeheartedly all those days, and who swore with tears in her eyes that she had a legacy behind her along with 271 other students that she has to prove and uphold.

2009-03-25T07:02:00.002+08:00

Today is graduation day.

Today is the last day I'll don my STC Uniform, obligatorily wear white accessories, and jam my 10-inch feet in my black school shoes.

Today is when I'll see STC again, but in a whole different light.

But the heck, today I'll still be a Theresian. Tomorrow, I'll still be one.

In my grave, duh, I'll still be one.

So kudos to all my memories...all the stress, the anger, the happiness, the ordeals, the teachers, everything. STC has shaped me to who I am now. From a cocky and upstart child, a silent and insecure pre-teen, an angry and prideful freshman, to a quirky and satisfied senior. Even now, my first memories in STC and high school are still ingrained into my mind. I will never forget them.

Jodine, Pia, Jesileen, Belle, Krizia, Chel, Shacole, Paula, Beyiia, Tin, Pauiie, Fixi...THANKYOU. Alam kong kahit malaking pabigat ako sa inyo, na nasaktan ko na kayo, you're always there for me.

They say High School is the happiest moment of one's life. And it's not going to end. In my heart, it'll always be high school; the time when I could be with friends and remember all of you. And I owe it all to you. You are the people who've changed someone you can barely look at to someone who's ready to face the world. And I'm not going to let you down.

Theresian pa rin ako, kahit anong sabihin niyo. The only thing that's changed is pwede na kong pumasok sa skwela ng naka micromini skirt. HAHA.

2009-03-18T19:13:00.000+08:00

NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND. I never thought it would happen.

I've never been so happy for being wrong in my entire life. Let's go, fourwan. :D

2009-03-15T19:12:00.002+08:00

I AM SO HAPPY!!!

I went to the mall, really desperate to find a striped shirt to go with the dress. :) I thought no one could beat the frumpy turtleneck from Bayo, but guess what?? They had a wall filled with new arrivals!!! :D I finally found the perfect shirt. The price was not-so-perfect, but who cares?? I SOO LOVE IT. XD

And while my dad and I were looking for a Calculus program for college, guess who I saw at the middle of the street? HAHA. Ok Gego, huwag mong ibubulgar ang nakita mo. :P

And I got to buy decent black stockings just in case. :) But since the dress is up to the knees, maybe I wouldn't need it. Unless I cut off an inch or two from the dress. It actually looks younger that way.

And fine, I give up the Charles and Keith shoes. I'll wear some old silver flats. :) And my sister gave me her black clutch bag!! DUDE, KUMPLETO NA.

Okay. Kailangan ko ng icomplete ang obligations ko kay Fixi. :) Signing out.

2009-03-14T22:22:00.003+08:00

Kung alam mo lang kung gaano ako kahandang umalis ng high school.

I am ready.

But fact is, I'm not.

Ocge, paradox na ko. Parang economic paradox lng eh. Ocge I'm losing my mind.

If only you knew. If only you knew.

Meron dahil meron. Wala dahil wala.

What is the meaning of life??!!

Haay Ateneo. :) How I long for you.

Mygad STC. I love/hate you so much. It's a love/hate relationship. And I will miss you dearly. I don't want to leave just yet...but summer is calling. College is calling. If only I can pack you up into a little box and carry you everywhere with me, then it wouldn't be so hard. Along with my friends...can't I make you into little dolls that I can take out of my bag when I feel sad?

On Monday, it'd only be the seniors. Gone is the moment that I'll see myself as a part of a whole high school student body. Gone are the moments that I'd relish recess and lunch breaks with the noise, the weird food, and sitting on the TO bench. Gone are the days that I'd grumble for the sake of grumbling, do requirements, cry during nighttime, that kind of stuff.

I never thought I'd say this. I am SO proud I'm a Theresian. It's like a brand that I would always want to wear, even in the Ateneo. :) And I'll bear the name proudly, I swear. I will kick ass, or at least attempt to. :) Hindi bumibigay ang Teresyana, lalo na sa stress.

WAIT LANG. DI PA KO NAGAGRADUATE. HAHA.

Go figure.

2009-03-12T18:16:00.003+08:00

Eco is not for me.

Shit ko, ngayon ko lang un narealize. ANG WEIRD KO. Feeling ko ung nagbabasa nito, sa tingin rin sa kin weirdo. Kasi naman ngaun ko lng narealize un, dba. OO NA PAULA, pagtawanan mo na ko. HAHA.

At eto pa. I'm actually thinking of shifting to ME. I got the stats for the passing rate of Eco-H, Mgt-H, and ME the other day. Magkalapit lang pala ang hirap ng Eco-H at ME. And they have identical curriculums for freshman year. And a tiny voice told me na hello, bakit pa ako masustuck sa Eco-H? ME is more practical from any angle. And I've got my parents' go signal. This is the only problem.

Pangatawanan ko daw. Which means, no backing out. No excuses. Kung bumagsak ako, I'll never live it down. Each moment will count. There can be no moment for hesitation, for rest, or for excuses. I have to endure it for God knows when.

So if ever I make this decision, mabubuhay akong mongha for 4 years. Inclusive of summer, kasi walang summer ang ME. Makakasama ko ang ilan sa mga greatest minds ng Ateneo at Xavier at pati sa paaralan ko. Magpapakamatay ako sa mga Accounting subject na killer sa Ateneo. At magsusunog ako ng maraming pera sa business practicum ko.

Do you see why I can't make a mistake?

I don't want to be overconfident. And it would take months of soulsearching if I really want to find an answer....kaya ko ba ito?

Two weeks of decision-making cannot give justice to a whole lifetime's path. DUH. At mapipilitan akong ipagkasya un.

Ito ang problema sa utak na natutulog.

GOOD LUCK LORD!!!

2009-03-09T07:40:00.002+08:00

Leche Pamela.

I'm doing my Eco homework...and I end up reading threads on Eco-H and Business Eco instead. :( Gusto ko na matapos homework ko!!!

Sometimes I dream of becoming a bird hunter rather than a lawyer para mabaril ko ang Ibon Facts and Figures at mawala na ang salot ng buhay ko. Odba??

2009-03-08T10:58:00.002+08:00

Laptop conversations. :P

Ako: Mama, gusto ko ng Dell.
Mama: Dell? Ano, delicious? Yan ka nanaman sa Taco Bell mo ah. Ang taba taba mo na.
Ako: Leche Mama. Dell, hindi pagkain.
Ate: Delirium, mama. delirium yan.
Ako: Ikaw leche ka rin. Laptop nga sinasabi ko!!!
Ate: Kaya nga. XD
Ako: HAHA.
Mama: Ano un?

<5>

Ako: Ocge mama, Asus na lang.
Mama: Huwag mo nga akong I-hahaysus dyan ah! Nanay mo ko!
Ako: Huh?? Ano ba yan!!!
Ate: HAHAHA

Leche talaga. New heights na ang nanay ko. XD

2009-03-08T07:27:00.000+08:00

EUPHORIA. EUPHORIA.

And a little dab of requirements. :P

2009-03-01T16:18:00.002+08:00

Getting sick taught me the matter of discipline.

Time lost, time gained...it would mean nothing to a person until they finally experience what it's like to be really left out of the loop because of something completely out of their hands. I'm not talking about getting assigned the wrong teacher or being at the wrong place in the wrong time.

This week's the last stretch. I desire to graduate, just like everyone else. And I can't let myself be the deterrent to stop that from becoming reality.

I desire it so much. I WANT IT SO EFFING MUCH.

Here's to the last real week of high school.

2009-02-22T21:47:00.004+08:00

Okay so I'm finally realizing the inanity of reading about pastillas and unrequited love in Daluyong. And my head's in the clouds. This week has been fun, fun...FUN!! :D

I finally bought the senior's night dress from Bayo. Jesi keeps telling me that I'm making too big a fuss about it, but hello!!! It's the last night I can try to make a fool of myself...and I wouldn't care. To my credit, the dress isn't that bad. Inconspicuous enough, but nice. And I swear I'll try to look like a mime. Haha. I'll still try to beg my parents to buy those pretty shoes from Charles and Keith :D

I finally got my monthly dose of Meg...it was refreshing. HAHA. I want one of those Coke shirts. The purple one's really awesome. A coke a day keeps the bad trip away. Well, in my case, it's a bottle of diet pepsi that makes my puyat worries go away. But, never mind.

To distract me, here's some of the things I can look forward to this summer. :)

-Driving Lessons. Auto, please. :)
-Tennis Workshop sa Ateneo. :)
-Excercise!!!
-Music, Art, Reading. :P
-Pre-College Shopping Spree. Bayo, Folded and Hung, Charles and Keith, Converse, Nike, here I come. :P
-New pair of glasses
-Magconfirm sa Ateneo. Determined na ako, dude. Sayonara UP. Adios La Salle. Basta dito na ako. :) Paninindigan ko na rin ikaw, Eco-H. Total, ikaw na rin ang napasukan ko eh.

O eto na. HAHA. Napost ko na. Gagawa na muna ako ng computer video ko, for all it's worth.

There's one more week of requirements.

There's one more week of exams.

That's two whole weeks of tears, sleepless nights, and dirty eyebags.

And it's two more weeks of relishing what STC is, and what it will be in our memories when we march up that white aisle. So you better rock it, people. It's the last thing we've got. :)

2009-02-22T09:43:00.002+08:00

Malapit na matapos ang taon at ang aking buong high school life. Dalawang linggo na lang ng paghihirap, paggawa ng mga gawain sa paaralan, pagpupuyat, pag-aaral, at pagtawa ng walang katuturan.

And at this point, I need to smile. Because I need to cherish these last few moments, and fight my way through it all.

I want to graduate. Because even if college is already beckoning, the sheer feeling of completing STC HS will be a whole different thing. And I want to relish that feeling when I'm already there.

So I'm going to face my problems a whole different way for now.

This is my life. :)

2009-02-18T19:10:00.002+08:00

Look at the world through the eyes of a flowerbud.

Fighting, fighting...FIGHTING. :)

This isn't the end. It's the beginning.

There's new found hope, dude. NEW FOUND HOPE.

2009-02-16T13:14:00.001+08:00

I'm sick of this. I want to LEAVE.

The world isn't black and white.

I think I know what the audacity of hope means, now.

2009-02-15T19:56:00.001+08:00

You can't always be right.

I'm sick of you deluding yourself. Get over with it already.

Psychotic? Look at the mirror. You'd be surprised with what you see.

2009-02-08T19:02:00.004+08:00

Okay, I deleted the earlier post. It was too much. Whether or not it hurt me, I should get too, well...you get what I mean.

Never mind what happened. There are things you need to remove in your life and use as a stepping stone. The greatest achievements are those you took a black eye or two to get, since revenge tastes so much sweeter that way.

I'm not a sadist nor a masochist. But I'll relish this...whether I cry or I laugh at hysteria of it all.

When I reach that stair, I'd laugh at the irony...whatever happens.

2009-01-29T04:45:00.002+08:00

My parents finally bought me my own copy of Twilight and Breaking Dawn to complete the set. WHICH I didn't ask them, too. Whatever happened to good ole asking-your-daughter-if-she-wants-something-else-coz-she-might-not-like-it thing? But hey, at least there was some effort.

And I am annoyed. Why does Ateneo have awesome book fairs while STC sells kiddie books in the gym for crying out loud?

I'm exhausted and DEAD TIRED. Those are two different things in my vocabulary. One's physical and the other is, well. But I know I have to crane my back 'til I die for this sort of thing.

My weekend's crappy already. I can't go to the Miriam fair, but I have to accompany my brother in his basketball workshop in ATENEO. Mygahd. Ano ba. Para kasing over the bakod lang ung gusto kong puntahan diba.

They keep telling me I'm not good enough to go to my dream school, yet they expect me to babysit my impossible brother and tutor him every minute of the day? He's not the only one having problems with school, hello.

And this really is weird. My sleeping habits are whacked again. I sleep from 8-1 in the morning, then just mindlessly surf the net and do assignments.

And by the way...I will eat you ALIVE.

And someone's scouting blogs. :P I should probably start swearing like a sailor on pay day for a while. Well, at least until graduation. HAHA.

2009-01-27T20:11:00.002+08:00

YAY DAY. :)

The ACET Results envelope came later today. It made me feel lighter while getting hold of that piece of paper. It shows that regardless of the past, there's still hope to be good and be better.

It looks like a shade was removed from my eyes. :D

2009-01-27T04:43:00.000+08:00

This isn't what I wanted. I have to act...fast.

There's still something I want to prove.

Even a bucket of tears can't assuage that.

2009-01-24T14:30:00.002+08:00

Okay, this post is a wee bit late. And I only have photos to show, but so what?? :P

2009-01-22T04:33:00.001+08:00

At early mornings like these, my brain spouts off random mottos like crazy.

Here's one I'll remember, though:

FORGET COLLEGE. JUST DO NOW.

It IS the last chance you'll get.

2009-01-17T12:36:00.004+08:00

I didn't need to pass you, UP. I never wanted it. I would have borne all the family shame happily...patiently. But you just had to defy me and place my random name on that STUPID list. I HATE IT. Now my dream school's almost floating away. You're making it all the more complicated.

Ok I should stop being bitter. I'm not that angry anymore. I should be happy...in a way. At least they deemed me worthy to enter their crusty dilapidated ARROGANT walls. That should mean something.

But that doesn't mean I should go there. I'll deliberate to exhaustion. But not now. I need to prove excellence in SOMEWHERE ELSE RIGHT NOW. The clock is TICKING!!!

And with everything to do, I may not even get to college. ANG RAMING GAGAWIN, SHIT.

read science digest
read computer magazine
finish senior's ball
summaries for term paper
related lit diagrams for research
elective paper chs. 1-4
elective paper stats
closing prayer for english week
apollo costume
ms. calero annual description
article on summer health

I need to finish all of this and fix my life. NOW.

2009-01-10T12:52:00.001+08:00

OMIGOD TANGENA!!!!! ECO HONORS SHET!!!!!!!!

WALA. SOBRANG SAYA KO NGAYON. REJOICE!! REJOICE!!!

CONGRATS PAT AT PAULA!!!!! HAHA. :p CLASSMATES NA KAU :)

CONGRATS PATBAU!!!!!!! HAHA.

2008-12-28T14:28:00.002+08:00

I think I'm going crazy. Then again, 1000+ pages worth of New Moon and Eclipse can drive anyone crazy...and not in a good sense. I finally get why there are so many angry reviews about the book. The plot's always at the end, AND all the gooey stuff are in the middle.

On the other hand, ACET Results are coming out by January 4, I think. Or sometime that week. And they say DLSUCET results are coming out earlier. I think I'm going to drive myself crazy if I keep thinking about the results. And I still haven't done an ounce of schoolwork yet. And I'm worried about the music practices. Nothing should go wrong...right.

I'll be gone from tomorrow Monday to Thursday on a stupid Baguio trip. I don't want to go, dammit. I DON'T WANT TO GO. I just want to rest at home. But there's no stupid effing choice. HMMPH.

Still have a movie review and a soxi paper to do...I think? And reading Daluyong and Inferno. I can't think of the other stuff right now. I'm gonna lose my mind.

2008-12-17T16:14:00.001+08:00

It's the last day of exams tomorrow. I want it to make it so that I wouldn't have a smidgeon of regret by the time the clock strikes 11:20 tomorrow. :) So help me God. :P

2008-11-29T12:22:00.005+08:00

I am currently hearting Jasper Cullen. YES. Not Edward. JASPER. I know he looks really ugly in the movie poster, but wtf. Look at this. He is such a hottie. :P Copper hair suits him the best. :P

music's become my soul. :P

2008-11-26T19:07:00.003+08:00

It's at times like these that I wish I was born a music virtuoso. :)

I've always wanted an instrument. I can still remember my childhood days when I'd pester my parents to let me have piano lessons or voice lessons, and they'd patiently tell me I didn't have the time. It's one of those nostalgic childhood memories that's still stayed with me 'til today.

Well, It's not like that has changed. Bar the vocal lessons part. HAHA.

This summer I got into a really awesome manga about a 21 year old girl in a music school who really had talent and never considered it. It was lovely. I was so addicted to it that I started to download some of the songs they played there so I could actually have a feel of what they're feeling and interpreting. In there paperback world, songs actually seemed like biographies and stories of those authors, their memories immortalized in composition paper. I really want to try that, but my parents were right. I don't have the time. :P Fourth year is enough of a killer already. I don't want to end up double dead before graduation arrives.

I resigned myself to just listening to the pieces and interpreting them. From Ravel to Tchaikovsky to Haydn, I digested all of them to exhaustion. Even at boring music classes, I smile when I hear a familiar peace that left me sighing.

And here comes Paula. HAHA. Ocge na Paula. Nice nerdy noona ka na. Pinilit mo pa ko magpost. d: Pasalamat ka inspired ako. Haha.

This summer I'm going to buy a keyboard. REALLY Going to buy a keyboard and self-study at home. If within a year, I'm able to play Chopin's Revolutionary Etude, I'll try the violin next.

I swear. :P

2008-11-24T21:24:00.005+08:00

Somehow I feel like I'm not doing enough. That I'm being left in the dust, and people are glancing worriedly at me from their backs.

Time to wake up, girl.

___________

My mom's family had a reunion in Antipolo yesterday. It was actually fun, since I'm not really used to meeting cousins and stuff. It was amazing to meet people who I thought were backwater immigrants (No offense) that were actually really cool. And my uncle's rooftop can really have the perfect ambiance. I soo loved the red sunset in the city skyline. Well, that's Antipolo for you.

On the other hand, there's so much to do. I've been tuning out lectures for the past week or so. My heart's just not in it. But I really need to do something. I just can't bear seeing their faces like that.

Well, yeah. Still have to write an editorial. I wish I had Conlu's brain for this.

PAASCU shit.

2008-11-16T18:52:00.003+08:00

Ang tagal tagal ko na hindi nagpopost. Well, chitty chitty bam bam to you. :P

We're all busy with the PAASCU shit. Sometimes I feel like my life is a tad worse because of all the extra stuff piling on my little green post-it's. I still have to construct an acceptable prayer for pinoi and memorize some lines. May isa pang assignment sa physics.

But still, I know I'm going to miss this when I jump ship on the proverbial DLSU/Ateneo bandwagon. :)

Grabe. Gusto ko nang mag-march. College. Freedom. Civilian clothes. Some nice subjects. Loose schedule. New friends. Quirky profs. AWESOME CAFES!

Okay. Nahihigh nako. :P Just thinking of all this stuff is killing me. But I really don't want to leave my school just yet. :P

Well, I do need to do my best on my last three months of school. Good memories, babeh.

P.S. First Campus DJ stint on Tuesday. Sana masaya. :D

2008-11-10T23:09:00.001+08:00

Doesn't matter. Because nothing really changes. And she needs it better than I do. :)

2008-11-05T17:53:00.000+08:00

I lost my pretty jacket. :/

Well, I guess I should make the most out of it.

2008-10-31T21:26:00.002+08:00

NAPAKASAYANG MAGSHOPPING. De-stressor, it is. :P

Grabe. Buti hindi na natuloy ang plano ni dad na mag-Tagaytay. Idaan na lang daw sa shopping. Kung saan-saang mall na ata napupuntahan ko this past week.

Galing Greenhills kanina. Last Sunday, Trinoma. Monday, Divi. Then Robinsons, Mega, Landmark, Greenbelt. HAHA. Baka makarating na ko ng Tawi-Tawi bukas.

JOKE LANG. SM Marikina, anyone? :)

2008-10-30T17:58:00.003+08:00

It's really strange when you start realizing things you haven't noticed before. I guess a week-long break can do that to you, since I've been exhausting myself like a dog during the ordinary school day. Sleep is doing me good in that aspect.

I read one of Rina's posts while bloghopping, and I realized that she's not the only one who's changed. It really made me glance at my proverbial mirror and ask myself what I'm turning into. And watching that episode of Gossip Girl last night really didn't help ease my lamenting. What did she say? "When you make mistakes, rather than saying sorry, you should ask yourself if you know what you're turning into.", or something like that. And that is the question.

I know I've changed from last year. I'm a lot grumpier now, and easily annoyed. I used to be a non-confrontational type that avoided fights like a plague, especially during schoolwork. I really was afraid of someone getting angry or hurt because of anything I did. I guess that's changed too. Even when I restrain myself, I feel like I'm reaching my limit. I almost reached my limit during the dance pro. I'm not tolerating crap from anyone anymore. I guess that's more evident now. I'm far from perfect, but that doesn't mean I'm going to take crap from anyone. You try to screw with me, I'm going to hit you right back.

I was also really detached last year. I guess you could call it playing safe. I mean, if you get too happy about something, you'd probably get more hurt when something bad happens, right? I just didn't want that happening to me. That included all the schoolwork too. If I didn't get too immersed in all of that, failure would affect me less. If I took less risks, my life would be more stable. What a fat lot that's doing to me right now.

My short temper, my stubbornness and impatience, my short-sighted, and all the mistakes I've been doing...I guess it comes from desperation. I'm a senior, and I still haven't done anything that can make me proud of what I am while I'm still in high school. I'm not good at handling stress either. I really feel like I'm grasping straws here. And while I have another life of carefree thoughts, manga, and shopping, what really matters right now is finishing what I started three years ago, and with a bang.

I need to put a smile on my face. A sincere one. If I'm not going to enjoy my last few months in high school, I'd be doomed when I reach college.

Do your worst. I'll do mine. :P

P.S. And to you people, I'm tired of handling your insecurities. I'm TIRED of YOU trying to cover mistakes left and right and making new ones in the process. If I'm going to take crap from anyone, it's not going to be from you. I've had enough of it. If you ever try to confront me again, well...don't expect me to be friendly.

2008-10-29T15:59:00.003+08:00

Kakaiba 'tong sembreak na to. :)

SATURDAY. Ok lang. Really didn't stay behind for the dance pro. May paepal kasi eh. Basta, punta na lang kami ng Trinoma with sis. Umikot-ikot. Tapos uwi. :)

SUNDAY. Gumising ng maaga for USTET. Basta dumating kami sa dorm ni sis ng mga 6 something, then natulog na lang ako dun sa bedroom. Hindi na talaga nag-aral eh. HAHA. So dumiretso ng USTE pag abot ng 7:30. Sakto lang. Karoom ko si Jodine. Walang kwenta ung USTET. Haha. Afternoon, punta kami sa finals ni bro. Nanalo sila. Finally ren nakakuha sya ng award. After that, went to Trinoma again to celebrate. Ate out at Mann Hann. Ang tagal namin naghintay. Then nagexplore kami until closing time. Finally bought a yellow shirt from Artwork. :)

MONDAY. Punta kami ng Divi. Ang saya magexplore. :) In the end, nakabili ako ng red jeans, isang yellow shirt, then 2 cute na red and yellow belts. Umuwi, then natulog.

TUESDAY. Wala lang? Natulog lang sa bahay at nagsurf ng net.

WEDNESDAY. Inataki ng period. Masakit maging babae. :P

Aiun. Haaay. :)

MONDAY. Pun

2008-10-21T04:36:00.001+08:00

I feel horrible right now. I need to make up for it. :|

Redemption, here I come.

2008-10-15T21:24:00.002+08:00

Really, really tiring day. Had my share of embarrassing moments too.

I don't get it. Why do people think that way?

GET USED TO IT.

I promised myself to get better this time around. I need to stop procrastinating, dude. And I need to stop my antisocial personality when I'm with people I'm not really close with. It doesn't do anything for people's impression of me.

I don't want to see you. I have enough problems with myself.

2008-10-10T08:49:00.003+08:00

Just woke up in my parents' bedroom. One thing I realized was I was the only one left asleep. :P

Ang ganda ng weather. Perfect for lazing around the pc.

Nandito nako. HAHA. I wanna SHOP SHOP SHOP!!!

Ok wala rin akong pera. :P

____

EDIT:

Ang sarap ng breakfast ko. HAHA. Spaghetti and meatballs. :P

ANO BA. Tataba nanaman ako. HAHA.

Oh well. Enjoy it while you still can.

2008-10-09T17:26:00.000+08:00

EDIT:

Correction. It's not something I should moan about.

I'm going to fix it.

2008-10-09T16:09:00.002+08:00

This last day of exams was a disaster.

Well, the other exams weren't. Only the last onw. My godforsaken trigo brain went down the drain again. I hate it when I get one of those frenzied mental blocks once I see something really really unfamiliar.

I just hope he doesn't give me a line of 7 for this.

I WANT TO ENJOY MY FOUR-DAY WEEKEND. Sana nga.

2008-10-05T06:11:00.003+08:00

La Salle ko na ngayon. Can you say, "impending doom?". Hindi pa ako nagaaral. They say mas mahirap ung test kesa ACET. Mas grabe time pressure at maraming science.

Malas ko. Science is my worst subject.

Dbale na. :) If I fail, I'd have less trouble deciding.

nonplussed.

2008-10-01T09:45:00.003+08:00

I want to figure out what my life is all about. Lately it turns out I don't even know what it's even based on. Either that, or it's based on a shitty something.

We went to his housewarming party/ Tita Mean's birthday last night. I was nonplussed. I don't get it. I was in a bad mood the whole night even when it's what I've been giggling about for a week. Even a nice book couldn't make it up to me.

I'm not enjoying myself anymore. I've been too entrenched into school that I've forgotten school as just a steppingstone, not my entire life.

I'm in a rut of a drastic priority change.

Exams are coming next week. My LaSalle and Miriam Entrance exams are coming this weekend. I'm anything but prepared.

Let's hope someone will fix all this.

2008-09-25T00:11:00.001+08:00

Bear it. SMILE. Make up for the past week.

Kaya 'to. I'm not gonna waste my time complaining. NU-uh.

2008-09-21T23:09:00.002+08:00

This is going to be my last will and testament.

Mom, you can have all my saved money. Sis, you can have all my clothes. Doggie, you can...

WAIT.

Why am I even going to die? I could die of pneumonia, hypothermia, whatever. But dying of schoolwork? Sheesh.

Our relationship is a respect-hate system. I know that even when I hate him, he's trying to teach me something. But right now, he's just a terror teacher trying to destroy my life, my sleep, and give me pimples on my face.

SHOOT HIM.

2008-09-18T19:19:00.003+08:00

I don't want to remember anything right now. All I want is to get things done.

Tomorrow's the monologue. I can't afford to be sappy.

I've been mooning around the whole day. It's time I get a hold of myself.

Thank you to all those who tried to fix my day. :)

sweetsixteen.

2008-09-09T23:32:00.003+08:00

The clock's ticking away. In about a few minutes, my 16th birthday is going to end.

And I just want to say:

THANK YOU.

To all those who greeted me, you made my day worth smiling for. To Jodine, Pia, Rizia, Mia, Chloe, Tina, Celina, Majen, you made this day unforgettable. And to you, blog, for making sure that I'll always remember this day.

I've officially turned sixteen. They say that each birthday means a new beginning. I don't want this one to be just one of them. I've changed a lot again. I feel like the fifteen year old me is miles away from the me right now.

In a year, People can change more than you can imagine.

You've all made this possible. I swear, this is the best birthday I've ever had. If I could hug you all right now, I would.

I don't care if this is my last birthday in high school. The best was definitely saved for last.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

2008-09-08T20:32:00.001+08:00

I'm turning 16 tomorrow. It makes me remember how time just flies pass.

No one's going to wipe the smile off my face tonight. New life, baby.

2008-08-29T20:39:00.002+08:00

I don't do emotional stuff. More than half of the time, I freeze.

Less than half of the time, I just react unexpectedly. That's what happened, I guess.

And no, it's not because of what happened during Research.

It's about everything. The grades, the pressure, the insecurities, the sleepless nights. It's always been me trying to forget that I needed emotional release.

Let this all be over. I want to get it over with.

Let Tuesday just come, goddamit.

2008-08-23T15:55:00.002+08:00

Paula, here's your update. :)

Nothing much is actually happening. But seriously, this week has been really cool. I mean, we got an extra two day holiday and extra activities at school. I'm not really sure if the teachers are enjoying it or hating it. We even got to watch a play. And yeah, Basilio was kinda hot. :P So, yeah.

I ended up not buying the jacket from People are People. Because yeah, it was a guy's jacket, even if it was really cool. And there were tons of guys standing near the rack. Let's not hope for an embarrassing moment. The wallet I've been keeping my eye on since January is GONE. GONE. It was a painful moment. Haha. Oh well.

I ended up going to Belle's house when Monday came. It was fun. :) The Silent Hill game was really funny though. And then we ate ice cream downstairs. We didn't get to go to the awesome stores downstairs. I swore I saw a cool bag. But anyway, thanks, belle. :)

I just stayed at home during Tuesday. Procrastinated and all that. Watched Sex in the City with my dad. Odd experience, I tell you. The movie was nice. Getting the uncensored version did made it a bit awkward. It was fun, though.

Wednesday came. Procrastination day. I woke up early to do the lengthy eco assignment. Got to school early. Tried to wake up all the dusty brains we had.And then classes were suspended. It was supposed to be a fun experience right? Wrong. Our stupid bus finally decided to pick us up at 3. We were stuck in the covered court, mooning over everything. But there was a fat lot to do, so I guess that made up for it.

Thursday was okay, I guess. It was shortened periods. After that, I went to Belle's house and fiddled with the computer. And ate spaghetti. Yummy spaghetti. I swear, someday I'll steal Belle's maid and keep her all to myself. Haha.

Friday was a really horrible experience. I woke up and my period kicked in. When I ran to the schoolbus, something already started to feel wrong. And yeah, the cramps did kick in. I finally decided to go to the clinic. Not a pleasant experience. I think I spent three hours there. I almost went home. My mom got the call and even berated the nurse for not giving me the right meds. HAHA. Drank the meds and the pain finally went down JUST IN TIME FOR THE PETA PLAY. As in pagbalik ko na ng classroom, paalis na sila. Ang saya rin nung play. May national artist guy pa dun. Tapos ang galing ng mga actors. Bravo, bravo. HAHA. And thanks kanila Tin for getting worried about me. :)

Three day weekend nanaman. But I'm feeling it. Cards next week. And the pile of requirements are just waiting. I'm sure of it. Mauunleash na siguro sa week na ito. HAHA.

Whatever. Enjoy it while it lasts. :)

2008-08-16T07:51:00.002+08:00

Hey.

It's the start of the four-day weekend.

Why doesn't it feel like one?

Well, duh.

ACET's on the 13th. About less than a month to go.

I still can't wait to go to the mall. Swear.

2008-08-03T06:32:00.002+08:00

Dioskopo UPCAAAAT. Di ka pa rin nawawala sa isip KOOOOO. :p

I feel better now. Seriously. Move on na lang. Besides, there's ACET I can try to do better on.

My chance in getting to La Salle is close to nil now. Seriously. Epal kasi eh.

HAY NAKO. I just can't get completely over the fact that I shot down my chance of getting into UP. Stupid, stupid. But there are other chances.

Okay, I need a mind shift. I just forgot that it's exams this week. And I ain't feeling it.

Wait, okay. HAHA. At least the humongous chain of expectation is gone. They can't do anything about it.

And I have tons of ASSIGNMENTS. Ano ba. Gusto ko sana magmall ngayon!!!

Okay, completely random 100th post.

Blog, gawan ko na lang ikaw ng dedication after ko nagawa ung ACET Essay ko. Promise.

2008-08-02T20:03:00.002+08:00

The UPCAT is over.

Never mind the results. I did everything I could have possibly done in my situation. There can be no room for regrets. It just turned out that way.

I need to remind myself that I need to move on. When I think about it, my insecurity seems insignificant to his problems.

I fear for him. He has never done anything to deserve any of it.

I need to move on. I need to become a stronger person if I am to help him.

I need to move on.

2008-07-30T22:03:00.001+08:00

Okay, kaya mo to.

Throw it in. Throw it ALL in.

2008-07-26T21:10:00.003+08:00

UPCAT's less than a week away. It's become too surreal for me to believe it.

We had Grand Review today. Total brain damage. I was banging my head on the table almost all the time. Shitty logarithm stuff and SohCahToa mumbo jumbo. They just can't make my day.

On the other hand, it was a fun reunion. Total laughtrip. Koi and the guys were really funny, plus that person was funny as usual. And it actually gave me some inspiration to study.

I still can't find time to do my Ateneo essay. I'll do it tomorrow. I swear. I SWEAR. As in, an I-need-to-do-it-to-prove-that-I-can-have-inspiration-for-college swear. I want to get a good slot for Ateneo, seriously.

I have my UST Application already. I think it's going to be Accounting, with Psych as my second choice. My brother's going to get the La Salle form, finally. My mom'll give me the Miriam form sometime this week.

This week's going to be mastery. Next week it'd be exams.

Stress, stress.

Tomorrow I'm going to relax and go to the mall. Buy a Starbucks or something. Get that new jacket I've been fawning about for weeks. Stare at that perfectly lovely ODM watch. Find a good slot to watch Dark Knight right after the UPCAT. Sleep.

I've got to remind myself that the UPCAT shouldn't intimidate me. I just have to prove that I had what it takes to get into UP. In the end, this is just me. The me right now wouldn't really study meticulously about stuff like this. The me right now wouldn't take an absence just to study. I'd manage it the best way I can. If I don't pass, then maybe I'm better off not getting into UP. :)

On Tuesday we're going to have the Research monologue thing. :) Fun, fun.

I need sleep.

2008-07-20T08:55:00.002+08:00

Buhay pa ko, thankfully. :)

Nakakapagod. Two weeks 'til upcat. Two weeks and three days 'til exams.

Oh, and Friday was really fun. We went to Pia's grandmother's house and celebrated Krizia's bday. Pizza and DDR was enough to make my day. If only they remembered to bring Guitar Hero. :P And the heart-to-heart talk was sniffling.

Guys, you made my day. :)

This is your last year, Pamela. Make it or break it.

La Salle is looming over the horizon. :P

2008-07-14T01:13:00.003+08:00

Am I too emo? I'm writing this in the middle of the night. I feel so down. I know I shouldn't be like this; I can't risk getting into a slump this early. I already have enough on my hands with UPCAT and ACET. Regrets can only make more regrets.

I am such a hypocrite. Being the Pilot in the Little Prince seems much more realistic now. 'Tries to comfort others but cannot be comforted', my ass.

I'm exhausted. I didn't get to rest for this week at all. My Saturday was occupied with Leadership Training, while Sunday was my brother's game stints again and Tito Jojo's Birthday. I hate it when they have the habit of chatting towards world destruction during parties. I actually intended to post about how fun the leadership training was, or how busy today was, but it just seemed...not right.

It hurts when you try to bear everything and it doesn't work out. Everything seems to becoming too much for me to handle. I need to de-stress.

I need to seriously breathe and forget about school for once.

I know this seems so out of place.

Pamela, kailangan mo mag-de-stress.

2008-07-14T00:57:00.005+08:00

I hate it.

I hate it when people start to openly disrespect me when I'm too polite to reprimand them.

I hate it when I start to feel that I'm completely useless.

I hate it when the world starts to seem better when I'm not meddling in it.

I hate it when my heart starts to clench and I realize that I'm becoming a failure.

I hate it when people tell me that I sometimes expect too much.

I hate it when I start to block out everything that has nothing to do with schoolwork.

I hate it when people's expectations of me go down the drain.

I hate it when I do nothing to accomplish said expectations.

I hate it when people think my life is perfect, even when it's not.

I hate it when I feel like I'm in the bottom of the food chain.

I hate I realize I'm too late.

And most of all, I hate regrets.

Perspective can mean everything.

2008-07-07T23:21:00.002+08:00

I have to start my Ateneo essay.

I still need to give 1 recommendation form and get all 3 of them before July ends.

I have to save my rapidly falling grades from plummeting even further.

I never thought I'd say this.

Pam, you're grounded for a week.

Urgh.

2008-07-05T16:01:00.003+08:00

I am finally able to post. :p

This week has been stressful. I've been missing recess and lunch because of YP duties and the article. Well, I can't actually blame the article. More like the first year I had to collaborate with. Kung sasali ka na nga lang, siguraduhin mong kaya mo.Wala akong pakialam kung anong other responsibilities mo. Pare-pareho lang tayo. I'm not going to respect someone because of their previous position or their intelligence. I can only respect you if I can actually see some modicum of dedication to what you're doing.

This week has tested my patience. Good thing I held out until after everything was finished. 5 hours of sleep and barely eating anything for a week can do that to you. I really need to look out after my health more. Sobrang I wouldn't hold out for a whole year if I keep doing this.

I just realized yesterday that I've been neglecting my college applications and review e.g. the Ateneo form. I guess I'll go to the registrar sometime Monday. I have to submit it before August comes at least. Ayokong pagsabayin ang UPCAT, exams, at Ateneo. Baka sumabog ako.

Maybe this week I can go to Starbucks or a movie to relax. I really need it. :)

2008-06-28T22:58:00.003+08:00

Like the bunny? :)

I am sorely tempted to go on blog leave. But when I think about it, this blog has been my beguiling comfort since junior year. Why leave it now? Knowing myself, any promise of not touching this blog will be broken anyway.

I love you too much, blog.

So let's go for a runthrough of this week:

Monday was suspended. FUN FUN FUN! Haha. Think hot chocolate and El Fili Bonanza. This marks my finishing El Fili! So I had to celebrate.

Tuesday was SEG Enlistment. I finally ended up in Active Minds with Tina and the others. It was fun, though. I'm looking forward to ALL the movies and outings we'd get. We're watching Twilight due december. YESS.

Wednesday was General Assembly. Sobrang laughtrip. HAHA. Nag-iba bigla ang editor-in-chief. (Joke lang Trixie!!) Haha. Feeling ko talaga this year is going to be fun. Stress, but fun stress...if there's even such a thing. I mean, we don't need to make another term paper, dba?? Afterwards we went to Starbucks Tomas Morato.

What can I say? STARBUCKS HEAVEN!!!

Haha. Let's just say people go into withdrawal when they lose their favorite pick-me-up. It's safe to say that it's revived me once again. :) Then we took a tricycle to Belle's house and played Sims 2. HAHA. We named the twin dogs Cosmo and Monay. :) Tribute. HAHA.

Thursday...what happened during thursday? I can't remember. :P

Friday was PALIHAN. Fun, fun, fun. :) Finally, a school day without any classes whatsoever. Afterwards we went to the Tempura place near Red Ribbon. Ebi Tempura and trying to figure out how to use chopsticks was the best. :) Then Tina started to, um, let's just not say it. HAHA. Laughtrip sobra.

This week was exhausting. But heck, it was fun. I immediately fell on the couch come Friday and fell asleep.

Now, responsibilities. An article and leadership camp stuff.

Hopefully, I'll get through.

And don't worry, my mouth is zipped. :)

2008-06-23T09:01:00.003+08:00

Everything is fine now. Well, as fine as it could possibly be. :P

The good news? Classes are SUSPENDED. I just got out of the shower when the news came out. Thank god I was already in my room. I was so ecstatic. HAHA. I still remember the days when I would scream inside the classroom for classes to be suspended and jump round and round the living room when it did. But i'm fourth year now. Next year I'd have to wait for Signal No. 3 for my classes to be suspended. Bummer, much?

I'm trying to review a bit. Keyword is try. Nothing seems to be absorbed, actually. But it's okay. I'll get on it eventually.

I'm finally able to read a Neil Gaiman book. Can you say better late than never? It's somewhat interesting though. :)

I can't wait for VK 41 to come out. All I'm finding is summaries and raws. It's bugging the hell out of me.

Is it too much to ask for my extended vacation to be extended further? I still don't want to go to school tomorrow. It's DOUBLE RESEARCH. Plus, it's SEG Day. I still haven't decided what SEG I want to go to yet. Preferably something with lots of movies. And outings. And no brain action whatsoever.

I'll go now. I still have to watch Kite Runner and review more. And there's still the Pinoi Presentation I've been trying to ignore lately.

Maybe I'll post later. :) For now, bye.

2008-06-22T10:06:00.003+08:00

There's rain. The sky is crying.

All I can do is try and forget.

Chemistry. Funny how that word makes my heart clench.

I know. It's wrong to smile when you're anything but happy.

If it is something I can only cry about in my heart, it's almost like a sin.

2008-06-12T23:47:00.004+08:00

It's only been the third day of school and I'm like, what? Exhausted?

I thought senior year would be more reminiscent of junior year. It was much, much worse. Third year mostly consisted of my head hurting after , let's say, double period algebra.Now just hearing the course outlines give me a migraine.

I'm proud to say that we're really lucky with our teachers this year. Maybe the school's trying to make it up to us because of some of our teachers' MIA stints last year. HAHA. And Ms. Gino is even our adviser! Swear talaga. Ang saya.

Tapos nagbebehave na ang iv1. Haha. Nakakapanibago.

Pero shit talaga. Ang raming assignments. And it's just been what? The third day? I feel as though all the pent-up energy I gained throughout the summer was drained in one gulp. There's just so much to do. This year I really want to distance myself with extra responsibilities and focus on studying for the UPCAT and stuff. I mean, if I didn't have an excess of that already. Is it too much to ask for the teachers to stop reminding us that we'll be zombies come next week?

There's this thing that happened yesterday. Really pissed me off. But seriously, who in their blogs write about these kind of stuff? I'd rather keep it silent.

We had our elective today. I'm starting to regret going into Research. The requirements may become too much. I mean, two term papers in a year will already cause sudden death. If you add another to the equation, should I resurrect again? Nu-uh.

Good luck, seniors. It's the least we can get.

2008-06-06T22:00:00.005+08:00

Okay, now I don't even have a week. Three days, yeah?

I am still totally, effingly confused.I could still not comprehend how a piece of paper and a pen should be allowed to dictate my life. But still...it's better to make a decision now.

I've decided to take up BS Business Administration and Accountancy as my first choice for UP. Second choice would be Psych...or a nonquota course. Not sure which one, though. It'd probably be Public Ad or Philosophy. HAHA. My dad is desperate for one of us to pass UP, so if it meant taking an absolutely useless course and shifting, well.

In ADMU, it'd be Psych and Legal Management. My dad wants me to go for Management Honors, like what my brother did. No way in hell. Psych is already an honors course anyway. I'd be lucky to pass.

In UST, it'd be same as UP. Accounting and Psych. in La Salle, it'd be Accounting too. I'm still not sure if I'm going to take the test in Miriam or San Beda. Fallbacks, I guess.

Surprisingly, I'm a bit reluctant about Accounting, seeing as it's what I've been eyeing for more than a year now. I still don't see myself looking at small-print numbers in tables and charts for how many days. I'm not that type of meticulous person. I still can't count the many times math teachers (geom, ehem) would tell me that most of my mistakes were the little subtracting details and such. But, heck. People can change. I still have doubts of passing in UP, with my crappy grades and all. I really like Psyche though. I really really like psychologizing(or whatever you call it) people. Maybe because I've got a few of loose screws in my head myself.

They're all pre-law, but that's another matter entirely. My head really hurts from all the thinking. Another time. :)

2008-06-03T08:09:00.002+08:00

Doing pre-school cleaning in our room today. The new bookshelves are going to be shipped tomorrow. I can't believe how many books I bought this summer, with review and the excess of boredom. Hopefully those bookshelves would be enough. Knowing me, I'd need another one next summer.

I need to study. I seriously do.

But with one week of supposedly infinitesimal vacation? No siree.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2008-06-03T07:53:00.002+08:00

Exactly one week 'til doomsday.

I've almost completed everything for my UP form, except for two things: the self-addressed stamped envelope, and the courses. Let's just forget the fact that I have to submit it in less than a week; a year wouldn't be enough.

I keep reminding myself that it's just a matter of choosing between what I'm good at and what my passion is. My head insists on being realistic and rooted to the ground. My heart doesn't.

I never liked advanced math, but I guess I have an unnatural way of adapting to it. Of course someone would insist that you can fall in love with it after time. But hello, I'm not stupid. I've seen my brother's books about accounting and economics and all that. There's not one thing in those books that appealed to me in the slightest. Good or not, math is most definitely not my passion.

And then one would argue that I have no idea what my passion is. But let's not breach the matter.

Pressure, pressure.

2008-05-30T12:55:00.003+08:00

Pamela, MAG-ARAL KA NA!!!

One week na lang

*********************

Rootbeer.

2008-05-30T12:19:00.005+08:00

I'm drinking a can of rootbeer right now. Staring at it makes me nostalgic. Before I knew it, only half was left, and I haven't even enjoyed it fully yet. And then I remembered that I have to help my sister move in her dorm this weekend.

It makes me cringe when I remember about how the passage of time can be so finicky.

Of all things, she took Med. It makes me laugh when I think about the countless times she stubbornly refused to consider that career path. Well, I have nothing to disagree about anyway. Just about her meeting hot Korean guys in UST!

So, in three days, she'd be gone, along with my brother in DLSU. John and I would be left at home, along with our parents.

As long as I can remember, we were always six. A big family in middle class standards, but a happy, defunct family nonetheless. My perfectionist dad, my overly doting mom, The ever-responsible eldest sister, the brilliant yet rebellious older brother, the spoiled youngest, and me. It's hard to imagine it to be anything less. That just breaks the picture.

We'd be four. Next year, it'd probably be three. Ridiculously small number, anyone?

Back then, I wished that I was an only child. Now it's unthinkable. In our case, the more people, the merrier. Looking back on our disastrous family trips, unsuccessful attempts at family time, all the squabbles about academics and sports and everything else made us happier. It didn't matter that my parents always expect a lot out of us, or that amongst us siblings we were uncomfortably diverse. It's a big happy family.

We're all growing up. Next year I'd be in college, and John would be left here at home. HAHA. Wait...that may be a blessing in disguise. At least I wouldn't have to play basketball with him all the time. Our court needed a rest anyway.

Memories would always be there. Sometimes I hate growing up. But ahead of us are infinite possibilities. I'd be a fool to forget that. Life moves on.

But right now, I'd rather enjoy my can of rootbeer in our cozy living room. Maybe I can get another one. Rootbeer, anyone?

2008-05-26T00:24:00.002+08:00

Today was kinda fun.

My brother moved in his new dorm today. We got to help. The dorm was awesome. It had gardens and halls and all that. The downside was the place looked old, in that rustic kind of way. Nice, though, for a dorm in the main road, just across from DLSU.

Afterwards we went to the mall. I bought the school bag I was pining for since last week, black and gray, with a few lines. Hopefully I don't get tired of it early on, though.

We then went to my grandparents' house, where I was unceremoniously thrust in a corner. I wish they'd stop pressuring me to get into the family business, for once.

I'm almost ready for school. Almost. I still have to tweak my uniform, though, since it's a tad too baggy. I don't get it with moms and overly large uniforms. And then I still have to sew the patches on. God knows where those are.

After that, I have to fix my erratic sleeping habits.

God help me.

2008-05-25T16:12:00.002+08:00

Okay, so I finally realized that going on a crash diet wasn't a good idea.

School is, like, 16 days away.

I really have nothing to do. I'm too lazy to study for the UPCAT.

I have a 180 turnaround from my wanting Psych. Let's just say I finally realized how my supposedly nice-ty uncles became iron-gripped vp's in the first place.

My dad is pestering me about submitting my UP Application to STC.

And First Day of School, mehn.

Senior Year.

Whoa.

2008-05-16T16:15:00.002+08:00

I have become a nerd-monger.

Out of sheer boredom, I reread my old posts again and decided to go blog-hopping. One topic of interest: I have been talking about nothing besides school, review, entrance tests, and blabla. Which reminds me...it's summer!

I want to go to the beach. No, seriously. It's time to shed the introvert homie that I am for a while and hide it in a closet. It's only 26 days 'til school, and I haven't gotten the hang of the typical hot summer extravaganza yet. There are already back-to-school posters around for Christ's sake!

So, let's talk about something new for a change.

I've decided to go on a crash diet. Strangely late, I know. But with all the commotion that's been happening, it was inevitable, I guess. So I'll be eating next to no carbs, oatmeal, and gallons of soup and fiber for the next few days.

Wait til I go on a binge.

Post something else later. :)

2008-05-09T10:41:00.003+08:00

I've totally stopped studying for the UPCAT.

I am using my heavier-than-steel SAT Book as a paperweight.

I have been reading nothing but fashion magazines, manga, and fics.

I am effing loving it.

Who want to study? Not me!

Good bye college, hello bum life.

I am still trying to convince myself that I have to go back to school in a month. It's not working. My brain has totally become invulnerable to responsibility speeches and future prospects.

Oh, and I'm still waiting for the David-David showdown I've been waiting for since Malubay got eliminated.

Random comment, I know.Can you effin blame this gal? She's in intense denial mode right now.

Hopefully, the heavier-than-steel SAT Book will not remain a paperweight for long.

It will become a fork.

WAHA.